I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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