I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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