i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
