is your mom at the bar?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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