I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
