he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i just made my gag reflex go away.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
