Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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