DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
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I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
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There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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