I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
