Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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