I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I came so hard my ears popped.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
