Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
