We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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