I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
