Kiss
Puke
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Randomize
