Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
