You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
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