he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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