You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
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That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
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Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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