Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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