saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
