Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Randomize
