my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
