You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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