Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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