whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She even gives head with a lisp.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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