I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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