I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
