You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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