FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
