you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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