I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I still have a little drunk in my system
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
