I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Randomize
