just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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