I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
