she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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