i just sent this text using only my big toe
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize