You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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