Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
