summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
