Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
