Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
