i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
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