he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Found the puke drawer
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
