I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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