i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
