How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
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