return my video game
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
