my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
found the other keg... it's in the tree
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
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