Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
