it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
