wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
These tits shall not be calmed
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
