all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Randomize
