I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
