Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
