Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
