in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
