omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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