All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
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