I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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