I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
