Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
