You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
