If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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