i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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