he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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