Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
