dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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