We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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