God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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