Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
