Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
