I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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