I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
