I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
