I am midnight drunk by noon
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
