I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
