Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We left an ass print on the piano.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
