You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
